Top Books That Should Be Movies

Now that the most important book trilogy has become the most consistently excellent film trilogy in Tolkien's/Jackson's Lord of the Rings, I've started considering what other books I'd really like to see made into movies.

As Hollywood continues to show signs of growing uncreativity, it becomes increasingly likely that previously published materials will be mined for potential film offerings. Currently, the long-overdue The Brothers Grimm, Watchmen, The Chronicles of Narnia, Where the Wild Things Are, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Sin City, Tintin, and The Lovely Bones are in various stages of planning and production. I say, bring 'em on!

Obviously, I have not mentioned the above books in this list. Here are my top picks for books that should be movies:

Calvin & Hobbes The best and most enjoyable comic strip series ever written could make an excellent film. Don't let the recent travesty that is Garfield fool you: this series has not only more filmic potential, but also more rabid fans - probably because Bill Watterson quit the series while it was still in its prime, whereas Garfield's last years were tired and flaccid. The comic strip itself often followed long, multi-part storylines. I imagine a perilous, hilarious journey made by Calvin and his stuffed friend ala Milo and Otis, only funnier, more varied, and involving Calvin's imagination (especially when it comes to Hobbes being alive and communicative). The sure critical and box office failure of Garfield won't help it's chances of getting made, unfortunately. Chances that it will be made in the next 20 years: 50%.

Thrawn Trilogy Let's go back in time to, say, 1995. Then, let's assassinate George Lucas. Those awful Star Wars prequel films are never made. We could stop right there and be happy, but let's go on: Andrew Niccol and Steven Speilberg team up to make three films from the best and most exciting Star Wars trilogy ever written, Timothy Zahn's Thrawn series (Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising, and The Last Command). Harrison Ford, Mark Hammill, Carrie Fischer and others return to reprise their roles from the original Star Wars trilogy, each film has a $200 million budget, and the script is collaborated on by Niccol, Speilberg, and Darabont. These proposed movies are the subject of my most persistent and enjoyable fantasies (besides sex). And trust me, I spend a lot of time fantasizing. Alas, George Lucas is alive and forces his terribly eroded writing 'skills' and detrimental influence on any possible Star Wars project to destroy it, so the chances this trilogy will be made in the next 20 years are: 5%.

The Hobbit (The terrible cartoon made of the book does not count). The Hobbit makes much more sense as a movie than the sprawling, convoluted Lord of the Rings trilogy. And after massive success of that trilogy, it seems likely The Hobbit will be made soon. But, it might be difficult to meet people's expectations in making the smaller, more childish The Hobbit after the epic, adult Lord of the Rings movies. It's chances of being made in the next 20 years are very good: 90%.

Batman: Knightfall While more Batman fans are calling for film translations of classics like Year One or The Dark Knight Returns or The Long Halloween, I have to say that I would prefer to Knightfall as a giant yet personal Batman blockbuster in the hands of Darren Aronofsky or possibly even Mel Gibson. In it, Batman is defeated to the point of lasting paralysis in a giant battle with archvillain Bane. He struggles to recover from his injuries while he investigates (as Bruce Wayne) a cosmopolitan criminal scheme. While recovering, Batman recruits an untrained substitute to don the cape and cowl, who spirals out of control. When Batman is finally ready to take back the mantle of the Bat, he must battle with his replacement for it, and then face Bane once again. The appeal is its epic, sprawling storyline that interweaves many subplots. I also love to watch superheroes get the shit beat out of them, and this never happens more brutally than in Batman: Knightfall. I expect the upcoming Batman Begins will be a big success (if not on the same level as Spider-Man 2, which has a wider appeal with more comedy and less darkness), and will spawn further Batman films. Still, the chances of Batman: Knightfall being chosen among the hundreds of Batman stories out there (and new ones to be written) are very slim: 10%.

A Wrinkle in Time A Wrinkle in Time is THE classic children's fantasy/science fiction novel. The upcoming adaptation of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe gives me hope that similar classics might be produced, and A Wrinkle in Time is chief among them. While there hasn't even been a whisper about this one anywhere, I'd say it has a good chance of being made in the next 20 years: 60%.

Neuromancer or Cryptonomicon or Snow Crash While I'm not the computer geek Luke is, I think the PC-tinkering nerds of the world deserve their cyberpunk movie. The Matrix pleased them, to be sure, and a few films about computer hackers and the like have been made, but if you really want to create THE cyberpunk movie, it must be from one of these three books (especially the one that started it all: William Gibson's Neuromancer). Alas, any comparisons such a film might draw to The Matrix would be misleading and hurt its appeal. But as more everyday people transition into computer nerdism (or at least computer literacy), the chances of such a film being made grow. I'd say the chances that at least one of these will be made in the next 20 years lies at 45%.

This Present Darkness or Piercing the Darkness Frank Peretti's This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness are two of the most popular and important Christian novels ever written (besides the disappointing Left Behind series). A careful movie adaptation of the books could do for angels & demons movies what The Sixth Sense did for ghost movies. But, with the notable exception of The Passion of the Christ, Christian-themed movies have not done well at the box office in the last 20 years, and Piercing the Darkness would be expensive to make. It's chances of being made in the next 20 years are 20%

And there you have it... some deliriously lovely options. Listen up, Hollywood! Make these movies!